by the way

I’m hanging on by a thread right now.

Apologies to all the people I owe readings, crits, replies, or whatever.

It will pass. It always does. But meanwhile, well, I guess I’ll go out for a walk in the fall colors and remember how to breathe…

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Been debating this for a while

Just for the record:

It’s a mistake to assume that simply because someone is in a long-term committed heterosexual relationship, that means they are comfortably heterosexual or even cis. They may well be, but they may also have come to some sort of accommodation between different and conflicting aspects of their personality and biology.

They may feel that if they lived their life ten times over, in the nine other times they would have chosen a different path. Maybe they even sometimes wonder whether they should have followed a different path. What kind of example is being set? The personal is the political, but the personal is also merely personal.

For “they,” substitute “I”.

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Inktober 2: Shellfish Thoughts

Clearly I’m not going to be posting every day. I’ve done other sketches but none of them good enough to post.

This is from last night. I had oysters on my mind.

Shellfish Thoughts, ballpoint pen on white paper, 9 October 2017

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2016 wrapup

It’s been kind of a difficult year for me, for no particular reason. Just sometimes life is harder to handle, y’know? Kind of like a common cold of the psyche, I suppose. There are family stresses that I could blame it on, but that’s not really the cause. I just haven’t been coping as well. Maybe more on that later.

I’ve managed to keep going. Art class, lots of music events, golf league, training for and then going on a week-long wilderness canoe trip in Canada, cruise vacation through Alaska, Japan, Korea, and China, Christmas with family here and in Germany, and lots of other fun stuff. My weight continues down, I’m fitter than I’ve been for a long time, and my blood sugar remains stable. The kids are all doing fine. Problems with my big toes, but compared to the stuff many of my friends are going through with hips and knees and backs, it’s nothing.

But when I sit down to write, it’s just–well, truthfully, I don’t usually sit down, or if I do, I read or crochet or play video games. There are words and ideas waiting. I just don’t want to write them down. I’ve had constipation of the creative process before, and this isn’t it. I thought maybe the family stress had drained me more than I thought, and gave myself the summer off, but I’m no closer to writing now than I was in May. The peer pressure and support of National Novel Writing Month let me push through most of a new draft, but since then, not much.

Truthfully, I’m scared, and that’s not something that has happened to me very often. I’ve had specific projects I’ve been afraid to tackle due to the emotional difficulty of the story itself (Michael’s unfinished story comes to mind), but most of the time, words have been my refuge and comfort. But now they’re a threat.

I don’t know what the threat is. I don’t know what I’m afraid of.

I know, I know. Sit down and write anyway. No other way around. Draft will be finished!

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food porn

Last night’s supper was a resounding success–salmon with braised greens and citrus vinaigrette, with steamed rice (mixed blend, predominantly japonica).

It was also amazingly simple. The hardest part was browning the cut-up bacon before braising the greens. And did I mention healthy?

Salmon with braised greens and citrus vinaigrette

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End of March wrapup

The first part of the year has been less productive than I had hoped, mainly due to serious family drama (middle son and wife splitting up) which really hasn’t taken that much time since they’re in California and we’re in New England. But there’s been a lot of time in conversation, and a lot of time lost to just pondering.

Possibly as a result of having so many churning emotions that are hard to articulate, I put a lot of emphasis on my art classes. I’m quite pleased with the progress I’ve made there.

Got one shiny new idea and worked on it for March Madness. Will keep poking at it and the teenage vampires story; hopefully one of them will be ready to go for November, if I decide to NaNo it.

I’ve made it about halfway through the Crows draft. I’m working on it for Camp NaNoWriMo this month, with the goal of having a solid though not polished manuscript by the end of the month.

May will be primarily a reading-and-crocheting month, with a scaled back Story-A-Day.

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2016 goals and strategy

I don’t really have writing “goals” for 2016. My goal is to finish something. And if there’s year left, I’ll finish something else. That’s all.

My strategy for getting there is based on last year’s generally successful work pattern. Last year, my life accidentally fell into a pattern where Real Life took up alternate months, leaving the other months for writing. I tend to be a binge writer, so writing in binges instead of “Omigod, I’m not writing every day!” was a productive change. And it let me free to really enjoy my family and personal stuff, because I didn’t have the constant feeling that I “should” be writing.

So I’m planning to use the same strategy this year. It looks like our plans aren’t going to fall into such neat month-by-month categories this year, so this rough plan will have to be tweaked as the year goes on. But generally speaking, it looks like family/personal breaks in late February, May, August, October, and December.

Scheduled writing events that I’d like to do: Camp NaNoWriMo in April and July, scaled down Story a Day in May, and if there’s time in October, Nightmare Fuel. I’m thinking not NaNoWriMo this year.

First up: Start working on the final stages of Crows, with the goal of being able to submit by the end of March or early April. The first task is to reread the draft and note what has to be done. After that I’ll have a better idea how long finishing will really take.

After Crows? I’m not sure yet. Maybe Sal and Troy. I’m also considering setting up Nicky’s story (Not Forgetting) to publish as a serial novel. Way back when I started it, I had grand ideas of setting it up as a web page with mock videos and even some of the band’s songs, but lack of talent and money makes that unlikely. Maybe eventually…

But that’s the year ahead. I plan to re-evaluate every two or three months.

I also have personal and health goals, but I mostly don’t plan to discuss those in public 😀

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growing up is overrated

One of the things they don’t tell you about getting old is that issues you thought you had resolved and put in your past long ago suddenly come back in new and more virulent disguises, so instead of cruising along into the supposedly golden years, all of a sudden you’re picking up the wreckage from the roadside and trying to reassemble yourself inside again.

I’m going to go to the BSO concert tonight and enjoy it anyway. I’ll do the crisis in my spare time.

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I’m a grandma

Middlest and his wife gave birth to a baby boy last night at 6:28p California time. 8 lbs 9 oz, named Jonah Dashiel (Dashiell? Didn’t think to ask about spelling.). Mother, baby, and dad are all doing fine.

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I think I’ll just leave this to stand on its own

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/tulpamancy-internet-subculture-892

Though I may have some thoughts later.

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